“It’ll ride.”  Have you ever said these words only to discover that “it didn’t ride”?  If you’re female, of course you haven’t.  Women can only say “it’ll ride” in a mocking fashion.  Men can say it because we understand aerodynamics.  We can take one look at a couch and somehow know that the cushions will remain in place at speeds approaching 75 mph.  No need for tie downs.  We can watch a rocking chair in the rear view mirror of our truck and reassure passengers that the rocking motion is well within acceptable limits.  I can’t explain it, it’s just instinct.

    On occasion, some outside force will interfere with the airflow around the cargo.  You see when we’re riding down the highway, out in front of other traffic in the “clean” air; our cargo develops what we call “laminar flow”.  I know this is a little deep, but its science.  When another vehicle passes by, it sets off turbulence around our cargo.  Turbulence is unpredictable and certainly not any man’s fault.  It can only be blamed on the other vehicle.  Therefore it is imperative to stay well ahead of any vehicles in your lane.  Scientific studies back this up.

    An example of the unexpected behavior of turbulence was experienced by my niece’s husband.  His lovely wife (who’s never done anything embarrassing in her entire life) demanded that he immediately go pick up a leather recliner from a furniture store.  To fulfill her wish, he dropped everything he was doing and made a beeline to the store.  He didn’t even have time to install the tailgate which had been removed from the truck.  He picked up the recliner, making sure it was pushed as far forward in the truck bed as possible.  After doing a quick analysis of the aerodynamic situation, he proclaimed “it’ll ride.”  On the way home he experienced turbulence and the recliner was lifted from the bed and deposited alongside the highway.  Luckily no one was killed.  I’m not talking about other motorists; I’m talking about him when he got home.

    A family friend was moving a dresser in his truck and suffered a similar fate.  Everything was going fine as he tooled along the highway.  Then, out of the blue that demon turbulence struck and his wife’s antique dresser was lifted from the back of the truck.  Before he could say “huh?” all of her underwear was scattered along the interstate.

    Another friend of mine explained a case of “it’ll ride” to me recently.  He said a friend was moving some box springs.  When they got where they were going, they were astonished to see the box springs were gone.  Inexplicably the forked tongue of turbulence had licked it off somewhere along the freeway.  They doubled back looking along the opposite side of the freeway for box springs debris.  They were lucky enough to find it.  Unfortunately it was stuck underneath a van which was pulled to the side of the road.  The van’s occupants were out of the vehicle surveying the situation.  The box springs owner went to the next exit and crossed to the other side of the highway.  When they came to the van sitting atop the box springs, they decided it would be best to stop and offer help...anonymously...just good Samaritans helping a fellow motorist.  The driver of the van asked for a ride to a pay phone so they could call a wrecker to extricate the box springs from the van’s chassis.  He was happy to oblige.  While making the phone call, they noticed several emergency vehicles heading to the freeway.  The box springs owner gave the van owner a lift back to the disabled vehicle.  Upon approach they noticed that the emergency vehicles were attending the van which was now consumed by flames.  Officials said it was the catalytic converter on the box springs that sparked ignition.

    The next time you’re riding down the highway and see a dinette set splintered into a million pieces or a love seat off in the creek with a couple of dozen turtles sunning themselves on it, don’t just assume some poor slob is to blame.  It was probably that old devil turbulence.  Women if you buy furniture with good aerodynamics...trust me, it’ll ride!