Another story from my youth...I know you’re excited.  When I was in the tenth grade we had “library” period.  That’s the hour you were required to sit in the library surrounded by books and, by osmosis, learn something.  I was assigned to sit at a table with five other boys.  I don’t remember everybody sitting at my table, but I do remember Charlie and Bill were two of them.  Bill was one of those characters that would do anything you dared him to do.  Our librarian, a sixty or seventy year old woman affectionately (and secretly) known as “Bulldog” didn’t put up with any crap.  In my opinion she was either stupid or just hoping for a chance to exhibit her prowess by putting six teenage boys at one table.

    One day somebody dared Bill to put a tack in Bulldog’s chair.  Yes, it was a horrible thought, but this is how teenage boys work.  The most important lessons in life should always be learned at someone else’s expense.  “A thumb tack in the butt may or may not cause pain,” is the thought in your head.  After you’ve seen it happen to a dozen or so people, you begin to think, “Hey, a thumb tack in your butt appears to cause severe pain and manic activity.”  Anyway, Bill was the man for the job.

    The five of us at the table watched as Bill nonchalantly wandered up to the book shelves behind the librarian’s desk.  She was making her way around the library at the time and we watched intently as she moved from table to table offering tips on how to be a better student.  If she had been as smart as she thought she was, she would have realized that Bill looking at library books was a signal that something was surely amiss.  Bill walked around a while before coming back to the table.  As soon as he sat down, we started whispering to him, “Did you do it?  You didn’t, did you?  I can’t believe you did it.  You didn’t do it; I knew you’d chicken out.”  Bill swore he had done it.  Bulldog saw the activity at our table and walked over to quell the noise.  We immediately stuck our noses in our text books and appeared studious.

    In a couple of minutes she walked back to her desk.  We were sitting at our table and all six of us were squirming in anticipation.  She gave us a hard look...then sat down.  Nothing happened.  At that instant, we looked at Bill and started in on him.  “I knew you didn’t do it!  Chicken!  Chicken!”  I was simultaneously outraged and relieved.  Bulldog saw the commotion and made a bee line for our table.  She stood behind Charlie, looking at us in disgust.  “I’m going to make a BIG sign that says, ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop!’ and put it right up there,” she said as she motioned to the wall.  We just sat there looking up at her, feeling totally betrayed by Bill.

    As she turned to walk away, we saw that Bill was, in fact, an honorable man.  There for everyone to see was a bright red thumb tack pinning the tail of her skirt to her girdle...right smack in her butt crack.